"This league is what a man would do"

St. Louis - An NFTGL History
written by: Staffsergeant Max Fightmaster


It’s been cold in St. Louis for a long time. The fans have become distraught with their sports teams in general and the ire of many has turned on the franchise viewed most: The Rams.

The Rams, often referred to as the Lambs due to their inability to put forth a consistent product, have dwelled for years in the cellar of the NFC Fluff; a division named partly because of their existence. It all started at the forming of the No Frills Tough Guy League. A die was cast and the Lambs fell into the hands of former head coach Jarrad Lutton.

In his time with the organization Coach Lutton was never able to put together a winning season. With players like James Hasty and Kevin Smith leading his defensive backfield he consistently led the league in points allowed.

From the time he took over the reins, Coach Lutton was a pass first coach. Akin to Andy Reid in both play calling and girth, he would focus his off-seasons looking to upgrade his quarterback situation. From Chris Miller to Stan Humphries to Jeff George to Warren Moon he cut a path of excellence in talent, wasted in an effort to chuck and duck on each play.

Even the great Torry Holt couldn’t bring this team a championship before his retirement from the league.

While the Rams have historically shown an ability to take down a more automated opponent, running up their seasonal statistics, it was when they faced a more lively opponent that they would falter.

After spending years pleading to once more be ranked among the elite teams of the league, to a point where they were musically mocked as being ‘Unranked’, Coach Lutton decided it was time to move on. He would head for Greener pastures.

The future of the Rams looked utterly bleak.

While coach Lutton looked on from afar, a new coach was brought in by the organization. A former beer league champion, known for his generous misgivings (donating coolers of beer to minors on the street) and child-like smile, Steve Smutnik, a mostly unknown find was to be their savior.

Steve, with beer in hand, took control of the Rams in a very Hartley-esque fashion. Breaking all the wrong records along the way, Steve rattled off a 10 game losing streak to start his career. The organization was afraid they’d made a mistake.

With the help of new team captain Leonard Russell and standout free agent Deion Sanders, coach Smutnik shocked the world with his first man win against the Atlanta Falcons. It was a bleak undertaking for the Falcons and their coach, after being ousted the prior season from the playoffs by the computer. But it was only to be a stepping stone for coach Smutnik. His future would shine brighter than he had ever imagined.

In the 8th week of his second season in the man league, coach Smutnik faced down the defending Man Bowl champion Carolina Panthers, a team that had not lost at all since the reforming of the league. Team captain Leonard Russell took the reins as kick returner while also maintaining his position as starting tailback.

Completely abandoning the pass, a sight unseen in Saint Louis throughout league history, and with superior field position all day the Rams bared their horns and plowed forth upon the Panthers for the entire day. In the end, the Rams stood victorious by a wide margin and coach Smutnik had slammed his mushroom stamp upon the league.

The naysayers would ask, how was this done? Who was their defensive star? But the world knows that the Rams finally have their true coach.

For now, the future is bright in St. Louis. Who knows what the coming season will hold.