"This league is what a man would do"
 

Power Rankings

Season VII Season VIII Season IX Season X Season XI Season XII

Season IX

Pre-Season

9.Detroit Lions – So you trade one of the best running backs in the league for one of the best running backs in the league… and Scott Mitchell still has a job? The Lions had the second least amount of passing yards in the league last season. It’s not Herman Moores fault, that’s for sure. Coach Hartley is taking over on an interim basis for a team that managed only 1 win last year. Can it get worse? Yes. Yes it can.

8. Green Bay Packers – Shouldn’t this team be better than 8th in the rankings? Brett Favre? TE Packers? Henry Jones at Safety? Reggie *fucking* White on the line? Word on the street is that Favre is a bit wonky on his throws and that the runningback core isn’t going to win any Heisman’s but, doesn’t a man win with what he’s given? Was Coach Lutton able to learn any new tricks from his brother or will his one season away cause him to regress? We predict pain.

7. Minnesota Vikings – Is Randall enough to make even Coach Summerfield look respectable? He had that big win over the Buccaneers early in season XIII that made people think he was for real… he immediately followed that up by losing to the Eagles. No. I’m not convinced Randall will help him. Unless by help, we’re talking about setting expectations higher then he can possibly reach. Thankfully, the expectations for Coach Summerfield have been set so low that the only way he won’t achieve them is by missing the entire tournament.

6.St Louis Rams – Coach Smutty had an up and down year. While The Great Beer Cooler debacle of Season XIII will not soon be forgot, what we’re really talking about is his win over the then defending ManBowl champs Carolina Panthers. A win that should have sparked the beginning of a new era. An era where, for the first time in their history, the Rams would be relevant in the Man League. How do you top off winning back to back man games when you could barely muster a single win the season before? You lose the rest of your man games and lose to the Buffalo Bills. That’s what you do! Oh… and you put up an average of 109 total (TOTAL) yards per game over your first two seasons. The next lowest is 162. Four coaches throw for more yards per game then the Rams average total per game. This team is 6th?!

5.Atlanta Falcons – Well. The Falcons managed to overcome their arch nemesis (Dallas Cowboys) in the playoffs. They then got romped by the soon to be crowned ManBowl champs but… at least they’re not making a habit of losing in the playoffs to a hyped up Emmitt Smith and company. The Falcons haven’t been much of a mover and shaker in the trade department yet in the new NFTGL but, they have managed to reach the playoff two years in a row and have played some excellent football along the way. Can Coach Soffer get the offense kicked up a notch though or will it be more low scoring games with heartbreaking finals?

4. Chicago Bears – How Coach Fonovic continues to achieve mediocrity with Mark Carrier and Donnell Woolford in his secondary is amazing. Yet, here we are, again. Middle of the pack and unable to reclaim the throne in the NFC Superior. What we’re supposed to assume is not having a top flight LB is what the issue is but, I can think of some other teams doing just fine without one. The excuses need to end and this team needs to step up considering the talent level they’ve got.

3.Tampa Bay Buccaneers - How is it that a team that admittedly doesn’t practice, doesn’t care about winning, and hasn’t scored a point in the playoffs in two years is ranked 3rd? Look at the teams below them. It speaks volumes. Oh… by the way, welcome home Hampto, the fans missed you.

2. Carolina Panthers – Chumps. #1 loser. Whatever you want to call them, they had a nice run and then an incredibly emotional loss to the New Orleans Saints in the ManBowl. We’ll probably be seeing this match-up again and again so, I suppose we should get used to it? I also think that we’re going to see a lot more of Carolina finishing as the #1 loser. The Panthers lack an intangible factor that can help them rise above in dire situations… and Craig Erickson apparently has set this team back in the passing department. Can they move forward with him at the helm? An interesting fact? Playoff turnover plus minus career: Coach Bordier: -1. Coach Lutton: +7. That reeks of intangibility!

1. New Orleans Saints – The Champs. Post coital pictures of the belt in the arms of Coach Bordier and his wife… the only way to celebrate victory. Written a year ago and finally made reality, Coach Bordier is living the dream and no slide down this mountain seems evident. He takes his game very seriously and will suffer no rival. I don’t foresee a future where the ManBowl has not been won by a Ray Bordier Coached team. All bow to Chris Brantley and your New Orleans Saints!